My Theoretical Orientation and Approach To Counseling

	Listens and tries to understand how things are from the client's point of view.
	Checks that understanding with the client if unsure.
	Treats the client with the utmost respect and regard, assuming the best about them.
	Is "congruent" - which means being self-aware, self-accepting, and having no mask between oneself and the client~the therapist knows themselves and is willing to be known.

The following article, adapted from the original version written by my associate Gary Williams, provides more information on Cognitive-Behavioral Psychology.  It was originally written for Heart2Heart, a newsletter for Cystic Fibrosis patients and families in and around Alabama, and was later published in Viewpoint, the Quarterly newsletter of the Alabama Mental Health Counselor Association....

How can I find hope when my situation is hopeless?

A ship should not ride on a single anchor, nor life on a single hope.

Epictetus, Greek Philosopher

Nearly 2000 years ago, Epictetus recognized the physical danger risked by traveling on a ship unprepared for all the various challenges and possibilities of a long journey at sea.  He used that example as a metaphor to make his main point…it is psychologically and spiritually dangerous to travel through ones life without being able to recognize that there are many possibilities! 

If one's focus is too microscopic and based upon only one hope, one desire, one dream, one expectation…it is likely one will miss all the other wonderful opportunities life offers.  There is the chance all the other hopes and desires we might have had for our lives are ignored because we are consumed by just one goal or expectation.  What is even more likely is we dismiss possibilities, though recognized, because we believe they are pointless (or even impossible) if we cannot be assured of obtaining our primary goal.  To use the Epictetus metaphor, one might get “shipwrecked” along the way! 

Often, our interpretation of circumstances, and not necessarily the circumstances themselves, cause us to get shipwrecked - stuck, depressed and convinced that their situation is hopeless.  Take the following event as an example (Bush, 2002).  A friend is due to meet you for dinner at your house at 7:30. But it's now past 8:00, and there's been no sign of her - not even a phone call.  What will you think, feel and do about this?  Remember, there is only one event!

As this table of responses clearly illustrates, there is more than one possible belief, feeling and response to the situation.  These differences are based upon perceptions and beliefs that are not necessarily accurate - we still do not know why our friend is late. 

It is important to note the relationship among events, thinking, feeling and doing.  The way we feel (both physically and emotionally) can affect what we think and what we do, and what we do affects how we think and feel.  It is equally important to appreciate the relationships between events and feelings (which we can’t directly control) and thoughts and behaviors (which we can control).  Thus the name – Cognitive Behavioral Therapy!   

(In the following diagram, start with "EVENTS", then go around the circle to the right to understand the model.  Uncontrollable events generate automatic (but changeable) thoughts, which generate feelings.  We automatically act/behave based on our feelings, but we can choose different behaviors)

                                                                  (2)Thoughts

        (1)  Events                 (3) Feelings

      (4)Behaviors

**thoughts and behaviors= "can control"

**events and feelings = "can't directly control"

The following are some suggestions, mostly based on CBT, for people when they are stuck:

1.       (Thinking)  Be careful that your interpretation of events is completely accurate.  *Note- If your thinking could be described as “all or nothing”, you are probably not being objective or completely honest with yourself.

2.       (Thinking)  Think outside the box!  Look at other possibilities.  Do not allow one central idea corrupt all other ideas. Use the example and diagram above to help you.

3.       (Feeling)  Give yourself permission to feel awful sometimes.  It is perfectly normal and even healthy to feel bad when bad things are happening.  However, at some point, remember that the way you feel may actually cause you to misinterpret some things.  Re-evaluate!  

4.       (Doing)  If you are not doing anything….DO SOMETHING!!  If what you are doing is not working for you….DO SOMETHING ELSE!!  Believe that doing can affect feeling which affects thinking and so on.

5.       (Doing)  Ask for help if you get stuck.  It is wise and appropriate (and a sure sign of personal strength) to seek help when we get so stuck we cannot be proactive.  Seeking help IS proactive!  Utilize positive support systems found in religious faith, friends, peers, family, counselors and medical professionals.

6.       (Thinking, Feeling, Doing)  Remember that it can be difficult to overcome inflexible thinking, overwhelming emotion and unhealthy behaviors.  Take it slow.  Utilize your strengths and minimize any weaknesses.  Mostly….  THINK – FEEL – DO!!!

The original question was – “How can I find hope when my situation is hopeless?”  I’ll tell you what - Let’s rephrase the question in a cognitive behavioral way: 

What can I DO to FEEL hopeful when I THINK my situation is hopeless? 

Finally, I opened with a quote, so I will close with another 2000-year-old quote from our old friend Epictetus: 

"The thing that upsets people is not what happens but what they think it means." 

Bush, J.W. (2002). www.cognitive-behavior-therapy.org. Retrieved 07/01/02.